Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
