i don't like sucking hair
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Boobs are out for the taking
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
