Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
