My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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