If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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