$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
