My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
