bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
