Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
