I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
