I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
