I'm going to jail i love you
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
