Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
