You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
