Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
