Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
