If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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