i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't put those talents on a resume
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
