i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
