I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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