the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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