Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
