I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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