I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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