my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
