I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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