i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
