You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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