I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
