There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We need to get me chipped asap
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
