I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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