how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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