I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
