New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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