I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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