Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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