the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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