OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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