duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
