White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
