you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
