How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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