Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
