I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
