No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
