Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
