Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
