I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
