I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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