is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
