sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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