tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she smelled like a LAN party
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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