You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dear god my vagina.
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