my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
