my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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