Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
