GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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