It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
