my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
