dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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