U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
