After last night, I could never be a politician.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
