Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
