I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
