He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
home. puking in laundry basket.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
