and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
