Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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