Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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