You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
