you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need water and some morals
Randomize
