I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
