We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
