Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
