i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
