I'm so fucking centered right now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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