i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
