All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
