when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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