We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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