YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
