grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He uses pillows to masturbate.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
