apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
