Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
