THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
