U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize